History does repeat itself... damn it!

This is Sophia's very first Holiday season.
Right after we got our apartment looking good and things were starting feel like we were fine and I had hope growing again, we get this call.
Emma's very first holiday season the VERY exact same thing happened. We got things looking good at our new apartment things were starting to look alright for the future and Matt get the call from his employer back then.

Since before Sophia was born Matt has been working two jobs 7 days a week And I've been at the same response center for over 2 years.
Our schedules do overlap but we do the best we can. I try to leave work early, set up daycare find a quick last minute sitter. Lots of driving the girls to Grandpa's in Framingham on the way to work. I've had to change my shift around a LOT. And I've received an unbelievable amount of help from my managers and seniors.

I got news last week that my shift was going to be changing agian effective Dec 6th. And it would be so where I our scheduals would only overlap one day, and that seemed very reasonable and managable. However my hours were cut from 40 to 30 a week, which was fine becuase I'm still carrying the benefits and Matt is working the two jobs.

That is until a little while ago.
The night before thanksgiving he is informed of layoff's. (The company is doing it this way because there is no work and instead of keeping people on if they do layoffs the employee could collect unemployment.) thats super swell an all. But that does not help Matt or our family because he already has another job.
Thank goodness for Target, He can start to pick up more hours there at least.

However, not only will our schedules overlap more often, its at a time where we can't find a sitter (9:30p-1:20am) or now even afford one. We would struggle from time to time on our three incomes before and now we are down to two. and mine has been cut.(I'm unable to get another change for 3 months)



I am just so sick of everything being so unstable for my children, I would love to have just one year where we didn't have to worry about things that should be simple for instance a home.

I work a full time job, take care of my two girls and go to school. Matt works 7 days a week, 2 full time jobs and takes care of the girls when I am at work at night (when he should be sleeping)  We both work extremely hard, we do not spend frivolously. In fact it has been well over a year since either other us bought new jeans for goodness sake.

I know holidays is not about the gift giving, but honestly how would you feel if you were unable to give your significant other anything? Its a horrible feeling and his birthday is also a few days away, I had such a great plan for his special day. My heart is so heavy tonight.
I have so many questions.
Can I still afford to send Emma to school? Should I withdrawal from my next semester? Cancel our cable and internet? What about my car? This apartment?

I know we will be fine, we always seem to navigate through these tests of our strength. But I would honestly love for our little family to catch a break. I am so sick of living these nightmares over and over. It would be one thing if it were things we could control and brought this on ourselves. But we work hard and we want to and try to build a future but how can you build a solid future when the present is turning us in every direction.

I will try to post something funny tomorrow.
Maybe in light of a new day I will see something I just can't see tonight.