The mysterious ninja baby.

Sophia now does not like to stay in bed. She climbs her little self down with pacifier and a blanket or two in tow and walks out to where ever I am. Sometimes She makes it known she is coming, other times she just ninjas her way to my side.

Last night I woke up at about 3am to Sophia sitting up in bed, surrounded by wet. So I put my hand down to her diaper to see if it was her diaper that leaked, however my hand was met by a naked baby butt!! She had straight up pee'd all over my bed!

I cleaned up, put a new diaper on her, but I couldn't find the missing one anywhere. It vanishes. I started to wonder if I had even put on her to to begin with.

This morning I search everywhere in my room. even places that wouldn't make sense. But I couldn't find it so I gave up.


But thats not the end of the story, nope.

I did my usual route through the house opening windows and shades. Next to the couch I find an open diaper...
I'm simply baffled! How could she have ninja'd out of the bed without me knowing, take a trip to the living room, disrobe and wonder back to my room and climb back up on the bed?? its not possible!!!

If i figure this mystery out I will be sure to update.

Beauty is pain.

So it's summer, and summer means shorts... or in my case, just shorter pants. I will not be seen in a pair or shorts thank you very much. That means I need to actually shave my beastly legs and keep things under control. I remember in High School I could shave my legs on a Monday and not need to shave them agian until the following monday... Thank you very much having children which changed everything about my body.
Now, I'm like Santa clause. I shave my legs, and by the time I'm done rinsing them off I have a tropical rain Forrest that needs to be chopped down. (* This may or may not be an exaggeration for better reading) 
So I decided to use Nair, which incase your unfamiliar, basically burns the hair off after you apply some awful smelling lotion, but a lot less work for me and seems to last a bit longer then just chopping the hair down.
Only this time I thought I was killing two birds with one stone and by doing my underarms I would be saving time and money by cutting my shower time down.

I applied the nair to my pits first. and all was well.
Then I started applying to my legs and my pits started to burn, but I thought its just because the skin wasnt used to it but all would be fine and I had to finish my legs and let them marinate for 3 minutes before jumping in the shower.
By the time those 3 minutes were up, my arm pits were on FIRE, Actaully I should be truthful. Only one was on fire. Clearly I have a pit that is strong as nails and on that wants to go crying to its mommy at the first sign of battle. Wimp.

I shower and wash all the hell fire off my underarms and even the water is hurting the pansy pit.
I thought if I let it sleep it sleep it off it might grow some balls or man up.

No luck.
This morning it still hurts. I'm scared to put deoderant on.
But how's am I supposed to teach it that Beauty is Pain!?!

A new journal.

Right when I think things can't get anymore confusing they do.

My heart has been in my stomach for days. Well weeks probably. I thought I had things figured out. I thought I was going to move on. But I can't seem to let go.
Life isn't black and white.
I like Black and white. right and wrong. Yes or no. Clean cut. Easy.

However, my life has been anything but easy. Its not even easy to explain.
I was told to sit down and write things out. I thought about blogging about it, but I just can't get myself to share it all, so I started a journal. Last night I wrote over 30 pages. I went to bed, woke up a few hours later and wrote some more.
I'm sure it doesn't make much sense. It's skips around a lot, in between years in fact. But at least I'm getting some of it out. And though it doesn't have a nice flow or look pretty. Its there. I'm going to keep writing in it until Ive run out of pages. (Which seems like that will be soon by this rate)
I'm not sure the point of it, i'm not sure if it will help me or not. But i'm giving it a shot.

Its hard to keep all my thoughts straight. or something to even be honest with myself about some things.

Scary moment

Shortly after Emmas 5th birthday party I got sick. The docs thought it was tonsillitis but after a week of antibiotics and no improvement  at all and constant fevers they thought it might be Mono, but the test takes a few days to get the results from. And while waiting for those results Emma started to complain that she was not feeling well. Everyone assumed she was getting whatever I had. And if it WAS Mono then she most definitely would have had it because she steals my drinks we share drinks all the time.
But on Monday the 23rd she had a fever of 103.3 and complaining of belly pain, which concerned me greatly because mono can cause your liver to enlarge. So we called her Doc who told us to go to the ER. I called Matt who was out for a friends birthday to come here and watch Sophia so I could take Emma. Everyone yelled at me for wanting to take Emma. I was told to let Matt, or my dad to take her because I was still so sick. But there was NO WAY anyone was going to take her but me, because if my baby is sick I'm going to be there.
We get to the ER and Emma gets checked in right away, her fever was down to 98.6, and she was in good spirits. Really Emma?? REALLY!?!

The doc came in the room and pushed on her belly asked her a few questions which she wouldn't really answer. No imaging no blood work no urine test. Nothing. But they did have her jump at one point and she did that just fine.
I did try to explain that she doesn't show other people when something hurts. When she needs shots or blood work, she won't cry. she just doesn't.  But I assume Doc's know best and if they arn't worried then I won't worry, its just a virus.

A whole week passed and Emma was not improving. Neither was I though. I got put on her Antibiotics and since it was assumed Emma had whatever I had, I made them put her on antibiotics just in case as well. After that the mono test came back negative. But that's okay because by Thursday I was starting to feel better.
Thursday night though Emma was really complaining of belly pain, which she has been doing all week. I knew she had her physical in the morning so Matt and I decided she could wait. Though I really didnt feel like we should. But on Monday I also thought she needed to go to the ER and it was 4 hours just to be sent home. I didn't want my crazy mommy mind and worry to put everyone through that again because I knew Matt had to work early and Sophia doesn't really sleep unless I'm home. So we decided to wait.

First thing in the morning. I had to wake Emma up, and that's not normal, and she looked awful.just aweful, I knew something was really wrong.

We got in to the docs and waiting what seemed like forever which also isn't normal, we are usually right in and right out. But this time not so much. After her exam I asked it was appendicitis and he said it seems like it could be and to bring her to the ER right away. As he was talking I was already packing us up. I called my dad on the way to the car and told him to go to the ER and that I needed him to get Sophia and watch her for the day. Thankfully My dad is the best and rushed to meet us there. I called Matt next and he told me to keep him updated. I told him not to leave work yet because I didn't want him to leave for nothing. I walked in the Er and they took us immediately back to a room. And wouldn't you know it was the same Doc we had on Monday when we went. and wouldn't you know he remembered us.
I was in such a rare form that I didn't give him attitude or let him know that because of him we were in this position.
Everything litterally went so fast as soon as we walked in. I think we got there at 11:15.
by 11:30 my dad came to get Sophia. IV was in by 1140. At that point I told Matt to get out of work. 11:50 the surgical team came in to evaluate her. There were SO MANY doctors in and out of her room in such a short time and once they would leave they would hover outside her room. Had her on Morphine by noon. 1210 we went for an ultrasound to confirm it was appendicitis and check to see if it had ruptured.
The Head surgeon thought it was highly possible that it ruptured because she had it for so long. Thanfully It did not.
We got taken up to the pre-op room with Emma, did more intake stuff. and by 2 she was being wheeled away. ( Matt got there sometime after the ultrasound but before going up stairs)
It was SO HARD not to cry. The whole time though, through all the poking and doctors coming in and out Emma just laid there watching cartoons. She was pretty unfazed by everything. She just wanted to know if she was going to be sleeping there and if she was going to get to order hospital food, because that was SO EXCITING!!
They said it would be a 1-2 hour surgery and once the second hour came and went I started to freak out a bit. And I couldn't believe or wrap my head around the fact that my little 5 year old was in another room having SURGERY!
Right before the third hour the surgeon came out to tell us she is fine but it was difficult for them to get the appendix out.
I wasnt able to go see her for about 40 minutes after that. As soon as I went back and saw her though I was okay.
She looked so little and so white. I wanted to crawl into bed with her and snuggle her.

As soon as she woke up a little and saw me she asked if she could have food and then went back to sleep. haha
I lost track of time after that but we got up to her room and Matt left to go get sophia and go home. I stayed overnight with Emma.
by midnight the same night, Emma got up and walked to the bathroom. She did need help obviously, but Wow! I wouldn't have been able to do that. Nor would I have wanted to. I did carry her back to bed. The next morning she was lethargic and sleepy. I told the docs she needed more then liquids so they let her get a grilled cheese for lunch and after that she brightened up. Started talking. She asked to move from her bed to the chair. Then went back to her bed sat on the side and blew bubbles, colored in her coloring book. and by 4pm that night we went home.

Emma is simply amazing. So brave. So strong.

Her 3 incisions on her tummy are healed. We go to her follow up appt with the head surgeon on Tuesday, but I only expect them to tell her how great she did and how well she healed.

I'm pretty sure this was much scarier for me then her, and I had such a hard time dealing with this when she was just concerned with the food they were going to give her. But that's me Emma for ya.

Sophia Jane

Alright. This one was hard for me. Although I think first birthdays always are.
There was a lot of drama for Emmas first birthday, and this year felt like a repeat for Sophia. So on top of feeling sad that my baby isn't a baby anymore. I had to deal with that, and know that both my girls even though they would never remember had awful events surrounding their first birthday.

That aside, we celebrated as a family. Ihop for a late breakfast Which Sophia loved because it was the first time she had eggs! I didn't have my camera so I didn't get any pictures which is unfortunate. While we were there just about everyone who walked by our table stopped to tell the girls just how beautiful and wonderful they were. And we could hear people at tables close by talking about the girls. It made my heart swell. okay okay maybe I let it go to my head just a bit, I mean they are MY kids and obviously get their great looks and charm from ME. 
After a short Nap at home for So-so we went off to Westford to the butterfly place. Which to be honest, not worth the 31$. It was cool though. As soon as we got in there Emma sorta freaked out, because as cute as butterflies are from a distance. NOT so cute when they are all up in your grill.
One almost immediately landed on Sophias belly. I wasn't able to snap a photo because I was busy trying to save the butterfly from an untimely crushing, pulling, de-winging death. Other then that, Sophia didnt give a crap there there were a bajillion flying colorful creatures swirling around her. She wanted to try to destroy leaves and flowers and run into other kids knocking them down. Did I mention my child is a monster?

We went out to dinner and then back home to let a very sleepy 1 year old relax after a day that was very busy for her short little legs.

Her Party has not happened yet, but I am very excited about it.

Emma Rose

Emma turned 5 years old!

How crazy!! My once little baby is now a real human being with real thoughts and a real personality with a real attitude problem.
We did a small family thing on her actual birthday after she got out of school.First she opened presents, then went to Ihop because she really wanted 'special birthday pancakes', (which she talked about for a week straight).We went to get ice cream then came home and played outside with bubbles! It was a nice low key day.

Then came the party. And it was a blast.
It took us awhile to pick a theme for her party, she kept changing her mind, first it was Dinosaurs. Then it was fashion. And Finally we settled on Alice in Wonderland, Which I got REALLY excited about.
She wanted to have her party at Pump It up. So my decorating options were limited, I guess that's a good thing because I could have gone crazy with this idea.
Her Cake more then made up for the lack of decorations.

A bunch of kids from her preschool class came, some friends and cousins.
Everyone had such a good time. Even Sophia who was to young to bounce on anything.

 

   

I'm so glad that Emma had such a great day, However I would be happy if these birthdays were not every year, this growing up thing.... not workin for me.

My Silence.

I've been having a hard time figuring out what to write recently. I have a lot going on in my personal life and i promised myself this time, this blog I would be open and honest about things no matter how messy.
But I just can't seem to get myself to write about whats been going on. Up until recently I didn't want to accept thing and I kept hoping everything would go back to the normal i knew before.
A few things have come to pass in the mean time and I think I'm starting to accept a new 'normal'.

And I guess I'm okay with that.