A new journal.

Right when I think things can't get anymore confusing they do.

My heart has been in my stomach for days. Well weeks probably. I thought I had things figured out. I thought I was going to move on. But I can't seem to let go.
Life isn't black and white.
I like Black and white. right and wrong. Yes or no. Clean cut. Easy.

However, my life has been anything but easy. Its not even easy to explain.
I was told to sit down and write things out. I thought about blogging about it, but I just can't get myself to share it all, so I started a journal. Last night I wrote over 30 pages. I went to bed, woke up a few hours later and wrote some more.
I'm sure it doesn't make much sense. It's skips around a lot, in between years in fact. But at least I'm getting some of it out. And though it doesn't have a nice flow or look pretty. Its there. I'm going to keep writing in it until Ive run out of pages. (Which seems like that will be soon by this rate)
I'm not sure the point of it, i'm not sure if it will help me or not. But i'm giving it a shot.

Its hard to keep all my thoughts straight. or something to even be honest with myself about some things.